


Twice

by pretive



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Dan - Freeform, Dan Howell - Freeform, Disability, F/F, F/M, Fanfiction, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Minor Character Death, Phil - Freeform, Phil Lester - Freeform, Sad, Skating, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, but only like one chapter and it's really fluffy, disabled dan, figure skating, howell - Freeform, lester - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-07-25 17:10:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7541053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretive/pseuds/pretive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe if he'd grabbed her and held her when the wreck happened, they'd both be here still. Maybe if he'd just given up completely when she died, he could have too. Maybe if he had been focused on getting the the Olympics wholeheartedly, he wouldn't have fallen in love with Phil. Maybe if he'd just listened, he wouldn't be where he was now.<br/>***<br/>When the wreck happened, Willow died and he came out of it with a broken back and ribs, almost ripping away his dream of skating at the Olympics- his biggest promise to Lo. Instead, he receives an offer that's too rare to pass up- a chance to be a skater in the Olympics, and a chance to fulfill his promise, even if he is forced to partner with the new guy at the rink with plenty of experience, and a lot of charm.<br/>With every passing practice he's getting stronger, but he doesn't listen to the concerns of others about falling- a fatality that could cost him his entire career.<br/>Love can happen twice. So can injuries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Skeletonflowers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skeletonflowers/gifts).



> Shout out to Skeletonflowers *Rachel* because she was the first one I told about the story, and she was encouraging :D (BTW updates are on Wednesdays, 4:30ish Central Time

Prologue

It’s only him and Willow on the floor, and all he can do is think of her. It’s him and her, and despite the thousands of people watching, it’s just her and himself alone in the dimly lit ice rink at night. Instead of her blonde hair pinned up into a hairstyle fit for a queen, she’s got a messy bun with wild hairs sticking out around her face that are just too short to tuck behind her ears, no matter how many time Dan tries. She’s not in a pure white skating outfit with gold sequins sewn to the bottom, she’s in track pants and a tank-top with a hoodie on top. 

He’s focusing solely on her, making it as magical as it had been when it was just them. It’s their third programme of the night, their last one, the acting part of the show, where they’re based on how well they give emotion to the song. 

While Willow stared back, he smiles, and she smiles back, and he spins her as the music speeds up, and slows her, holding her a bit tighter and pulling backwards, before letting go completely, and the spotlight is on her, and she bites her lip. Skating back a bit, she glides forward, performing a spinning pirouette and ending in a slow biellmann.   
She looks beautiful, and he takes in the sight of her before the lights become light again, and he glides back to her, hugging her as they spin, earning a standing ovation. How could someone not cheer for Willow; she was perfect, in his eyes at least. 

They won second in their first programme, first in the second, and now, they wait.

She looks nervous, but there’s a confidence in her aura that made him fall in love with her in the first place. 

He remembers the look she wore, and how her face lit up when she realized they got first. How she was so happy, and so confident, that she wanted them all to go out for dinner in their outfits, and he remembers the way she walked out of the building, into Dan’s car. He remembers the celebratory shouts and the too-loud music, and he remembers the green light, and he remembers the slightly larger truck that barreled into the passenger side door. He’d never forget the blood that stained the pure white fabric.

No matter how many times they told him in the hospital that day, he wouldn’t listen. She wasn’t dead, she wasn’t sitting in a morgue- but she was.


	2. One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heyo! This story is on Wattpad too, if anybody wants to read it there at wamwesiamikey. Updates every Wednesday :D

"Dan, take it slow, please. You may have got clearance, but you were still seriously injured. Marvin and Marie would slaughter me if I didn't start you out slow." Harvey states worriedly. 

Dan grits his teeth and laces up the left skate before standing. "I'm fine." Harvey's jaw is clenched, but he says nothing when Dan clicks onto the ice. He glides slowly before picking up speed a bit, trying not to do anything to dislodge the temporary back brace he had to wear.

He'd already stretched with the ballet teacher, a hobby he'd taken up on side of physical therapy. It helped him stretch and prepare for the rink again because of the similarity. Harvey gasps as Dan dips down (sort of, the brace limited most movements) and feels the ice slide along his fingers; it makes him feel human again. He feels Lo here, and knows she's supporting him, pulling him along and keeping him steady. 

He forgets where he is for a moment and glides back with ease. It's so natural, so scarily calming to him, and he wishes his Psychiatrist was here to see him now; relaxed and happy. He feels whole. This place is home, and this place is Lo, and he's so damn happy to be with her again. 

After a few more laps, Harvey waves him off the ice, and he stops crisply in front of him like he'd never taken a break from skating in the first place. He feels a small smile come onto his own face, and Harvey visibly relaxes. 

"Come here kid, I've missed you." He says, and pulls Dan into a tight hug once Dan steps off the rink. His voice is laced with a buried emotion as he speaks. "I'd never have the guts to come back. Willow would be smiling so big right now, kid, I know it." Dan nods and sniffs a bit. "You can't stay for much longer, but I'd like to see you here tomorrow morning, normal time. It's a Saturday, and I've got a room booked for us until you start to hurt, alright?" Dan nods, and begins to unlace his skates, borrowed ones from the rink until he got a new pair since he'd grown out of the other pair. 

He walks slowly to the doors, realizing how easy it is to glide, and how slow it is to walk. His Dad is there, sitting on a bench in the lobby, nursing a drink in a thermos. He had a young face, with brown hair slicked into a small quiff, and brown eyes. He sees Dan and walks to him, smiling warmly. 

"Your Mom had to cancel again, but we can always have a good time, right?" Dan smiles and nods- hollow but there. Mom usually cancelled. It was better than trying to bond with a broken son. He only saw her when she dropped off the child support check. "What'd Harvey say? Is it alright if you still skate?"

"Yeah, I'm meeting him tomorrow actually. I'm not going to push myself, Dad. If I get hurt, Harvey will be here. You can be here if you want, you know that. Marvin and Marie will probably come in as well, and Marie is a retired nurse in sports medicine." Dan says, and takes the outstretched thermos. 

"Tell someone if you start to hurt. One wrong move and you may end up in a wheelchair for the rest of your life instead of skates. You hated the wheelchair when you were in it for the last six months, how would you handle the next fifty to eighty years? I love you too much to see you as miserable as that." He says, and Dan internally sighs, externally nods. His Dad is afraid of losing him like he lost his mom, except there is a lot of difference; neither are dead, and Dan's loss would be physical instead of psychological

Dan walks slow- he had to. The brace limited a lot of movements, and walking in long, fast strides were one of them. But, as his father said- he fucking hated that wheelchair.

It wasn't until the next morning until he realized how hard he'd have to work in order to get ready for the Olympics again. He'd be forced to work around the clock, against university, and through the entire winter. 

Right now they could only do balance and maneuvering, and basics. In two weeks when he got to try practice without the brace- the whole ordeal was apparently a big thing, his father, Harvey, Marvin & Marie, his therapist, his physical therapist, ballet instructor, and physician would all be there, plus a few of the ice skating students that had just barely been allowed to come. 

But that was two weeks away, and now was to get him back on the ice. 

•••

"Wanna go out for dinner? We could go to David's diner, crash the party." His Dad teases as he helps Dan put on a pair of Vans. Dan was glad he'd finally figured out how to put on pants again, as that had been the most embarrassing part of the recovery. They'd been home for a few hours, Dan working on homework and his Dad working on housework.

"Dad?" Dan asks suddenly when they get out onto the road. His father looks over from the steering wheel. "Don't you ever get frustrated with me? I'm not a fully functioning human and you do everything for me." He says. 

His father frowns and his eyes crinkle. "You're fully functioning with minor flaws due to another's ignorance."

"I wouldn't call it 'minor'." 

"I would. To me, this entire thing is minor compared to what could have happened. You could have died and I would have lost both of you. You could have come out of that wreck with severe head trauma and lost function. You could be in a wheelchair but you aren't, and this is all minor to me because you're alive and that's all that matters." He says, voice thickening. 

Dan nods for no real reason, tears in his eyes. "Thank you so much." 

They joke around in the car until Dan presses play on the disk, just to see what was in there. Both of them froze when their last Championship song begins. His Dad presses the off button quick.

"Dan, how are you?" His Dad asks quietly. 

Dan shrugs, still dazed from the song. "My back hurts sometimes, and it's harder to walk than to skate." 

There's a hollow chuckle, and it snaps Dan out of his trance. "I meant, like how are you handling not practicing with Willow? Or how are you with not seeing your Mum? How are you in general?" It's a hard topic that he'd been asked by the doctors many times, but with his Dad it felt okay to talk about. They didn't have boundaries- his Dad was the only person he truly had left when he came home and took off his skates. His Dad was the only person who'd taken care of him after the wreck. He was the one to help Dan with coursework that he'd missed, typing reports, helping him write and answer questions. His Dad was the only one who cared enough to stay, even when Dan screamed at him to leave. Dan at least owed him a truthful answer.

The air is heavy as he answers, "I feel like she's here with me all the time, I can feel her hands in mine when I skate, I can feel her beside me on the couch sometimes. I hear someone say something and I turn to my right to laugh with her, but she's not there. Deidra can go to hell." His Dad stifles a laugh in his hand at the mention of his ex-wife. "Tell me you haven't thought that and you're lying." 

His Dad smiles at him and turns back to the road. "I miss Lo too. She'd come around even when you weren't there just to talk. She was a true soul. But Dan, I know you hate to hear this, but you can find someone to love again without losing her." Dan's lip quivers. 

His voice is quiet, and croaky from the lump in his throat. "I promised her forever. I promised to protect her and now she's dead." A tear slips down his cheek and into his lap from his chin. 

"There's nothing you could have done, Dan. Like you said, Lo is still with you, she obviously isn't mad at you." Dan starts crying as they pull into the diner parking lot. "If you want to go home, we can. I can run in and get the food, then run back out. Or we can call the pizza place and pick it up in the way back." 

Dan sniffs and leans back, wincing at the brace. "Pizza sounds good." His Dad puts the car in gear and they head back. He clears his throat. "Dad?" 

"Yeah?"

"We're gonna be okay." His Dad smiles and nods, and both of them knew that they would be.


	3. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have gone through hell and back writing this chapter. In my docs there are about eight different versions of chapter two. FUCKING ENJOY IT.

“Dammit Dan! What did I tell you?” Dan gives a rare, sly smile that's covered up with a faux innocent look. He skates around the rink to Harvey and grabs a side rail to stop. He was beginning to use dry humor, though most of it was sarcastic. His therapist said it was a step, and his Dad seemed to enjoy the little pessimistic jokes, so whatever kept the ship sailing. “Go home, or I’ll tell your Dad you’re overworking again.” Dan rolls his eyes and skates back. Any playful humor was gone, replaced by irritation. Of course he’d use his dad against him.

“You play dirty DeTrost.” Dan mumbles, carefully toeing off the skates without scratching them up. He didn’t want to pay another fine for new skates. He’d have to take a trip to the shoppe a town over to get a new pair of skates at some point. Dan hated using the disgusting and smelly ones from the rink.

“So do you, Dan. Telling Marie that you were ‘looking for me’? You were supposed to go home an hour ago.” Dan looks up, expecting a glare, but receiving a sad smile. “But I have to admit, it's nice to see you smile again, kid.” Harvey gives Dan a small pat on the shoulder and walks him out of the center. 

Dan finally got his permit to drive during certain hours, and a handicap parking ticket that he was taking full advantage of.  
He texted his dad to let him know he was on his way, and that he was taking a back road to ‘be safer’ in weekend traffic, when in reality he wanted to watch the scenery in peace. If Lo were there with him, she’d be playing I Spy, or singing at the top of her lungs at the boy who’d laugh and watch her fondly. For now he sat in silence and watched green pass without taking notice of the little things he used to.

He got home safely and feeling a bit more whole- like the skating was slowly filling him back up with emotion and he couldn't get enough. It was the closest he could get to Lo spiritually. (If he said that to his therapist, she’d try to dissuade him from skating anymore. Apparently to let go of her he needed to let go of anything associated with her. What was he supposed to do, move to America?)

“Dan! You're home! I hope that Indian food is okay, I didn't want to text you while you were driving.” He's in the kitchen wearing grey track bottoms and a red hoodie from one of Dan's championships. 

“Your Mum is coming over to eat on Saturday.” He says casually, but Dan hears the same sadness and worry that he used whenever something with Dan’s mum came up.

Dan toes off his shoes that he’d spent nearly twenty minutes tying before answering, “I can't, that's physical therapy in the morning, Ballet in afternoon, and skating at night. You know the drill.” He says blatantly, not feeling up for dealing with his mum on any day of the week. 

His Dad answered reluctantly, “Dan, your mom met someone and she'd like you to meet him and his kids.” Dan clenched his jaw and toed off his other shoe. He felt the same anger in the top of his chest, the same one he had when she’d left. 

“So it wasn't enough for her to just leave us, she had to replace us too?” When Dan tries to lift his jumper over his head, he feels an intense pain and whimpers before putting his arms back down. “Bloody hell!” He shouts, laying his head in his hands.

“Dan, I’ll help-” Dan just shakes his head to which his Dad takes a step back, looking hurt. 

Dan ignored the solemn look his Dad was giving him. He didn’t want to feel angry and guilty for snapping at his Dad. “I want to do it myself.”

His Dad sighs at his son. He was just as independent and stubborn as his mother. “Pull your arms through the sleeves one at a time and shuffle it off.” Dan does it and breathes in relief. Finally, something new that he could do without assistance- a little bit more freedom than he had two minutes ago.

He gives a sad smile to his Dad. He put up with so much. Dan would never be able to articulate how grateful he was for him.

•••

Dan was ready to get done with this practice. His back hurt and Harvey was beginning to notice. Especially now that he’s not even able to stand up straight even with the brace wrapped around his midsection.

“Dan, let’s get into the break room.” Break room was a place with ice floors just for the skaters that led into the main floor. Skating is a whole lot easier than walking, Dan’s learned. 

Despite the pain, Dan’s therapist had seen him on the ice once since the night of his newly found piece of freedom, and the damn woman finally got off his back about not going back. He’d smiled more on the car ride to the rink than he had in all of their therapy sessions together. (Even if it was only a little grin when she confirmed that they were going.)

Harvey leads Dan to the break room, where Dan moves to a medical bed and pulls a blanket up over himself. He refuses to tell Harvey that he’s hurt right now, that his brace isn’t positioned right and it’s pressing on his ribs, that he’s sore from stretching at ballet.

He refuses to admit that he’s not independent anymore, that the only person that’s seen his scars from the crash is his Dad and doctors. Dan refuses to acknowledge anything that has to do with that damn accident that took away- no. 

No, he’s not admitting it. Not right now.

“Love, is something wrong?” Marie asks. Dan didn’t want to lie. God, he really didn’t, especially to Marie and to anyone but if he slipped up they could tell him no at any moment and he’d not be accepted into the Olympics. 

Instead, he goes around it. 

“Just exhausted. Can you get my Dad out of the waiting area and bring him in here?” She nods sympathetically as he winces at his voice, which sounded scratchy and exhausted.

His Dad comes in, and Dan shuffles the blanket off. “It’s not positioned right, and it’s pressing into my ribs.” He breathes out painfully. With a sharp pain, he sits up with the help of his Dad. His Dad lifts his shirt and undoes the brace, and re-adjusts it where it's supposed to be. Dan breathes out a sigh of relief, even though there’s an underlying sadness at the fact he can’t hardly do anything on his own anymore.

When Saturday rolls around, Dan can hardly find it in him to move. He’s been practicing everyday and with the practice, therapy, physical therapy, and ballet, the last thing he wanted to do was face his Mum. She’d walked out when Dan was in the hospital, and the already rocky relationship spiraled into his Mum screaming at his Dad in the hospital hallway about how she couldn’t handle having a disabled kid. In all honesty, Dan would rather her leave than stay and hurt his Dad anymore, and he was sick and tired of being called disabled. He would be perfectly able in due time.

But the emotional damage to his Dad was far too much, and Dan didn’t want tonight to make him upset. His Dad was the last person who deserved any more heartbreak. 

“Dan, your Mum’s here.” A head pokes into the lounge, where Dan’s sitting clad in maroon sweatpants and a black hoodie. He did the little shimmy to take off the hoodie, and reveal a white shirt that showed most of his brace underneath. She would turn up the heat as soon as she got here, despite not living here anymore. He wasn’t going to be stuck uncomfortable in his own home.

He walks into the kitchen slowly (always slowly, after the wreck) where his Mum, a man with blonde hair, and two kids waited; a girl and a boy. His Dad sat uncomfortably on the other side of the bar as his mom’s boyfriend chatted him up about something. 

“Dan! Baby how are you?” His Mum coos, but he can read it across her face- she doesn’t want to be here as much as he wants her here. She grapples him into a tight hug, and he hisses, using the counter to hold himself up. She’d pressed into the right side of his ribs, right where he hit the asphalt hardest. (Okay, so maybe he played it up a bit to add to guilt factor, but it still hurt like a bitch.)  
“I’m so sorry.” He doesn’t miss the glare his Dad is sending her. 

The little family behind her are standing awkwardly and watching. 

It’s quiet for a little bit before the little girl speaks up. “See Daddy, he wore joggers, why can’t I?” Dan cracks a smile and moves to the table, using it as a support to crouch down to their level.

The girl, who’s probably only nine or so, walks gracefully to him and points at the outline of his brace underneath his shirt. 

“What’s that?” She asks.

His Mum sends a reprimanding voice. “Ally!”

“It’s alright. It’s a brace. I have to wear it so my back will get better soon.”

The boy who looks no older than six cocks his head to the side. “What’s wrong with your back?”

His mum and boyfriend man are sending each other alarmed looks. “I was in a fight with a super villain. I won though.” The boy opens his mouth in shock and mouths, ‘whoa’. Dan liked these two, even if they were being partially raised by his mum.

The rest of the night, he chatted lightheartedly with the two.

Willow always told him he was great with kids. The two were gonna get married, have two or three kids of their own to spoil rotten. He missed her so much. His mood is slightly dampened after that, and he’s slightly grateful when they leave him and his Dad alone with leftover pasta. 

With only a small apology and goodnight, his Dad leads the two upstairs and into their beds. Dan lays awake, watching the December snow fall onto his window sill. He wraps his arms around a pillow, and closes his eyes. He was supposed to be talking to Lo about how the Olympics was a year and a few days away, and she’d huff when he pulled her tight and told her to go to bed. Instead, he holds the pillow as tight as he can and cries silently in hopes that he wouldn’t wake his Dad in the next room. He cries himself to sleep with memories of Lo and their planned future, holding onto them for dear life.


	4. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God I know this is late I just couldn't figure out a fucking way to introduce Phil.

“You know, for someone who hates pink, you look beautiful in it.” He says, tucking a curled strand of hair behind her ear. Willow rolls her eyes fondly, shaking her head. “No, I’m serious, you look beautiful.” He feels his heart beat harder when she smiles. 

She straightens out his sash, then puts her arms around his neck. “It’s coral you idiot. Thank you though.” She kisses him on the cheek, leaving him with a red blush spreading over his face. 

“Dan, Willow, you’re on!” They take initiative and skate out, ears blocking out screams and announcements. It’s when they begin to skate with each other that Dan notices the coral fabric darken, and her hair develop a red tinge. 

“Lo!” He screams and catches her just as she’s about to hit the ice. There’s a sharp pain in his ribs, but he doesn’t care about that- she was dying right in front of him, again. 

He wakes up in a sweat, thick, hot tears running down his face and a headache from hell. But above all that, he saw Willow die again, and though it’s not the first dream he’s had where he has to relive it, it was just as painful and scarring. It was like a string wrapped around his neck, pulled to the point of snapping, leaving marks for days. 

He really should be over it, but when his own mind used precious memories against him, it hurt. She’d been wearing her specially tailored dress and her hair was curled in a beautiful way. Lo had always been beautiful in a ‘how the hell did he manage to get her’ way. Lo was absolutely lovely, inside and out. 

Dan really didn’t have the strength to get up today. So he laid in bed until his Dad came home from work. He peeked his head through the door and when he shook Dan to wake him, he replied with, “I’m awake, just not motivated.” Dan couldn’t see the worried look on his Dad’s face, he couldn’t hear the phone call to his therapist, or to Harvey, but they were happening, sending everybody into cautious mode. 

Dan got up around three with aching ribs from misuse, and heads to the bathroom for a shower. 

He shimmies off his shirt and pants, and begins to unfasten his brace. He looks at the red lines from laying on the metal, and the bruises from the misplaced brace, and the scarred skin. He doesn’t take time to think about it too much (God knows he’d done it enough to last a lifetime), but instead turns on the shower and sits on his little seat. Even if it was degrading in his mind, he knew he couldn’t afford to slip and fall. 

“Dan, Marie called. She said she’d like to see you in her office at four. I’m assuming it’s important if it’s Marie.” Dan calls out a quite confirmation and finishes washing his hair, agonizingly slow. 

He's expecting lots of things when he gets to Marie’s office- yelling, arguing, a peaceful plea for him to leave. He wasn't expecting-

“Dan, this is your new partner, Phil Lester.”


	5. A Quick Message.

Hi guys. I haven't written anything for Twice in a while, or posted anything for it. After I posted the story initially, I was feeling great about it, but as I read through the upcoming chapters it wasn't going anywhere. I'm not going to continue with this story, but if I ever decide to add a chapter here or there, then that would be nice. But at the moment I'm dealing with school, personal issues, and my family. I WILL STILL BE WRITING, I SWEAR. In fact, I hope to get a new drabble up soon, but I felt like it needed to be said that I wasn't continuing with this one. I love you my damndelions, go and read my other oneshits <3


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